After the midterm evaluation, Seha's team endured hellish training to meet the tight practice schedule.
Under On Seha's leadership, they completely revised the concept and communicated it to the staff. Moreover, they had to readjust the choreography details to match the revised concept, making it an utterly grueling experience.
Initially, the team members had been sullen and resistant, but they gradually began to follow Seha's instructions obediently.
Everyone seemed to have learned something from Seo Mihee's harsh criticism, perhaps the fear of being eliminated if they continued on their current path. Thanks to this, Seha found it much easier to lead the practice sessions.
Finally, the night before the highly anticipated competition arrived.
To ensure peak performance for the competition, Seha returned to the dormitory early to get some rest. After such a breathless sprint, his mind felt remarkably at ease.
"Ugh..."
Seha collapsed onto the bed with a groan that sounded like his soul was leaving his body. Woo Jei, who was sitting on the floor humming a cover song, was startled by the sound and jumped to his feet.
"H-Hyung, you're not actually dead, are you?"
"As you can see, I'm still alive. Barely."
The training intensity of Team ON's A team, led by On Seha, was infamous. Even so, Seha looked to Jei like someone who had transcended all earthly concerns.
"Hyung, you're going to actually die if you keep this up..."
"It was even worse when I was in ON."
"Still, I'm worried..."
Lying on the bed, Seha lifted his head to meet Jei's gaze. Thanks to Woo Jei's towering height, their eyes were roughly level. Seha smiled warmly at Jei, who still retained a youthful air.
"Thanks for worrying. You're the only one who cares about me, Jei."
At those words, Woo Jei tilted his head, as if asking, "What do you mean?" He continued, "Other people have been worried about you too, Hyung."
"Who? Oh, Sion?"
Seha suddenly remembered how Sion would pass by and express concern whenever he skipped meals or sleep. Considering they were both survival show contestants with their own struggles, Seha thought it was remarkably kind of Sion to care about others.
"Huh? No? I've never even talked to him before..."
"Then... the other ON members?"
"I haven't had any contact with the ON members."
After two incorrect guesses, Seha tilted his head this time. If it wasn't Hyun Sion or the other ON trainees, who could possibly be worried about him? Seha waited silently for Jei to continue.
"Well... ah, should I even say this?"
"Just tell me."
"Assistant Ryu Dohyuk..."
Cough! Hack!
"Are you okay?!"
Seha choked, startled by the unexpected name. He pounded his chest and coughed violently as Woo Jei immediately rushed over with a tumbler like a dutiful servant.
"I told you, you might really die if you keep this up..." Jei fussed over Seha's condition with a whining tone that didn't suit his large frame. He looked on the verge of tears. Seha shook his head a few times and asked again, "The assistant was worried about me? When?"
"Way more than I was! He even came to our room. You really didn't know?"
"To our room?" Seha's eyes widened.
Why would Dohyuk be worried about me?
He replayed Dohyuk's past words and actions in his mind—his tone, expressions, and behavior. None of it suggested genuine concern.
"He kept coming by every night, asking if you were back yet. I told him you haven't been sleeping well lately and have been holed up in the practice room."
"Why...?"
"Who knows? Maybe he was worried because of the rumor that you've become the 'sleep-deprived icon' of this training camp?"
"A rumor like that has been going around? I had no idea..."
Jei rattled off the details of how the rumor had spread. As Seha listened, he couldn't help but think about Ryu Dohyuk. Dohyuk wasn't the type to worry about him—he was someone Seha deserved to be hated by.
This is strange.
Both Ryu Dohyuk, who made a point of coming to Seha's side to hurl harsh words and openly show his disdain, and Ryu Dohyuk, who secretly inquired about Seha's whereabouts behind his back, were equally baffling.
Soon, it was lights-out. Like a child in a new country, Jay fell asleep within 30 seconds of laying down on the bed, and with the sound of his breathing as background music, Seha slowly counted sheep. Sleep just wouldn't come.
─────────
Seha opened his eyes in the warm embrace. A cool yet comforting scent filled his nostrils. He knew this scent, this embrace, belonged to Dohyuk.
"Dohyuk-ah," Seha murmured.
Dohyuk lay on the floor, his body cushioning Seha. As Seha squirmed, their legs became further entangled. Dohyuk tightened his arms around Seha's back and waist, preventing him from escaping.
"Why are you moving so much? You were sleeping so peacefully."
"Ah, no... it's nothing."
Seha tilted his head slightly to check Dohyuk's face. The younger man's youthful features seemed like he was about to burst, perhaps acutely aware of their tangled limbs. Though his tone was casual, it was all an act.
Suddenly embarrassed, Seha buried his face against Dohyuk's chest again. Thump-thump-thump-thump... The frantic pounding of Dohyuk's heart echoed in his ears. Unable to suppress his laughter, Seha chuckled softly. As his shallow breaths brushed against Dohyuk's skin, Dohyuk's body gradually tensed.
"Don't laugh like that."
"Your heart sounds so funny. How can you not hide it with acting?"
"How can I hide it when it's beating like this because I'm happy?"
Though his tone was gruff, the hand that smoothed Seha's hair was gentle.
"How's practice going? You've been too busy to see me lately."
"Of course it's going well. I'm On Seha, after all."
"...Whose On Seha?"
"My mom's."
Dohyuk sighed, as if he'd expected that answer, and tightened his arms around Seha. Seha, who was laughing playfully, finally surrendered to the tightening embrace.
"You can't start trying to overpower your hyung already..."
"But I always lose to you otherwise."
Dohyuk released Seha from his embrace, as if admitting defeat once again. How long had it been since they last asked about each other's day and held hands like any other couple?
The laughter gradually faded from Dohyuk's face. It wasn't just his complexion darkening; it was as if someone had actually applied a mosaic filter to his features.
As soon as Seha realized he could no longer see Dohyuk's expression, the surroundings abruptly shifted. They were no longer in Seha's room but in the middle of an apartment playground during winter.
The flowerbeds, drained of life by the cold, still held snow from days ago. Seha clutched a hand warmer in his palm.
Looking around, Seha frantically checked on Dohyuk, who stood before him. Dohyuk's tearful face grew increasingly cold.
"If we end things here, you'll never see me again, Hyung. Even if we do meet, we'll be strangers."
"......"
"Do you understand?"
Dohyuk, who had never spoken harshly since they started dating, now spoke with a voice colder than anyone else's, just like the villain he played in dramas.
"I'll be going now."
With those words, Dohyuk left. Seha wanted to grab him, needed to grab him, but his body wouldn't move. He knew Dohyuk would stay if he just said, "Don't go," but he couldn't pry his lips apart.
Don't go.
Hyung was wrong... Don't go. I don't want to be strangers with you. I don't want us to be nothing. I hate myself for having to leave you like this because of my debut... I hate it so, so much.
Seha had a mountain of words he wanted to say, but not a single one escaped his lips. Alone in the playground, he wept silently, his tears soaking the hot pack Dohyuk had given him. The pen-written words on the hot pack blurred with his tears.
I like you.
Seha struggled to decipher the smudged words before letting his head fall forward. His lips trembled uncontrollably. Lost in his grief, he cried for a long time, oblivious to the cold, until a shadow fell over him.
"I knew you'd be crying."
Dohyuk's voice. Reacting to the sound, Seha tried to lift his head, but his vision flickered rapidly, like a dying lightbulb. He squinted, but then everything went black. Soon, he felt himself being shaken. And then...
"Hyung! Seha hyung!"
Seha's eyes snapped open at Woo Jei's shout. He squinted against the harsh fluorescent lights.
Was it just a dream?
One moment he was reliving their happiest days together, then the next moment was their bitter breakup... and then Dohyuk, who never returned that fateful night, was suddenly back. The raw emotion of their final parting felt so real that Seha was drenched in a cold sweat.
Why this, of all things...?
He'd fallen asleep early for the first time in days, could that be the cause of this dream? He used to have similar dreams often right after breaking up with Dohyuk, but they became rare after he turned 22. It seems reuniting with him on the Reloading Project had stirred up old wounds.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine. I should start getting ready."
He couldn't let this shake him. Today was the day of the competition rehearsal and the main performance. He couldn't let a dream ruin all the hard work he'd put in. Biting his lip, Seha made a firm resolution to himself.
Unfortunately, Seha's resolve quickly crumbled.
Hair, makeup, and stage outfits were only applied after arriving at the competition set. As soon as the trainees, including Seha, finished preparing, they changed into their practice clothes and boarded the shuttle bus.
"Don't be stubborn today. Just sit quietly next to me," Dohyuk said as he passed the driver's seat and settled into the front row.
"Hurry up," he repeated. A sigh came from behind Seha, who was hesitating. Having unintentionally blocked the aisle, Seha hastily moved aside, naturally ending up in the seat next to Dohyuk. Dohyuk chuckled briefly, likely a mocking one, Seha guessed.
Though the motion sickness was milder, the entire journey was agonizing. Dohyuk remained silent the whole time, leaving Seha squirming nervously and constantly glancing sideways.
Would it have been better if Dohyuk and I never met each other?
Seha's mind churned with memories of their sweet past from the dream, regret and worry washing over him.
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